Boy Genius (finding_bliss) wrote in unique_fetish,
Boy Genius

From an old Journal

Well hey everyone I'm Michael and well,,,,,,, here goes nothing :) this is from an old LJ of mine which I no longer use

Object sexuality a personal study of "me"

SO we all know what object secuality is also defined as a kink or a sexual fetish. If there anyone who isn't in the know a sexual fetish happens when the object not the person becomes the precursor to climax. SOmetimes it's a hairstyle or a part of the body(a verypopular one is feet). Sometimes it is clothing but for me it's an action. My fetish is for struggle. I actually first noticed this pretty early on. As a kid watching a horror movie where the girl is trying to get out of the house but the door won't openshe'd try and try but,,,nothing. I'd notice that I'd get aroused at the very sight of this. Girls were definatly an enigma to me most were cruel some were friendly all through school none of them really wanted anything to do with me. For the longest time I'd look around the net for pictures or stories involving struggle and I would get very aroused and start masturbating to completion whenever a well describe struggle scene was written involving discription of the girls thoughts and actions I would also find great pleasure in pictures of a girls face eyes closed teeth clenched obviously a great deal of strain. Though I have never been one to want to hurt anyone much less women there was something very freeing seeing these pictures and stories of simulated distress and frustration. It was aropund this time I met someone on the net named "Meerkat"(a chat name) who ran a website that was dedicated to girls getting stuck with glue or in mud. Before I had met her I had never once ever tried to express myenjoyment of this type of thing to anyone but she encouraged me to be more vocal aboput what I enjoyed and anyone who would not be accepting of that isn't worth my time anyway. I began seeking out girls(objects) to play with, I created a fantasy story in my own head which I played out again and again the idea of creating the perfect glue made for human flesh which no one could ever break free from without the aid of a special solvant was titilating to me. SOme would laugh but some would eventually give in and play out my fantasies before me. Some even took pictures or faux struggled for me on cam. I even got my wife to act out my stuck fantasies in front of me in RL(all secually playfulactivity between us ceased 7 months before our marrige ended) When I had trouble finding folks to play with I'd commision ameture porn sites to make pic sets and vids for me. Most would consider my fetish not to be normal by basis of the definition that my feitish has taen the place of accepted sexual acitivity. Of course my rebuttel to that is if only accepted sexual activity was to be done that that would simply be sexual intercourse for the purposes of procreation. On her site entitled Deviant Desires Kathrine Gates says "As long as a person (whether vanilla or deviant) respects the need for fully informed consent from all parties, understands the difference between fantasy and reality and recognizes the need to set boundaries and safety limits to their actions, I consider them quite healthy, sane, and safe"

All of my sexual encounters have fallen under the SSC creedo most of my fullfillment has been found in the form of roleplays I have never once used real glue nor will I.

A popular question I get is where does the kink come from. I don't hjave a concrete answer to that but I do have a pretty good idea what I am doing in essance is reversing the cruelty that others have seen fit to throw at me which they also seemed to derive pleasure from. Does that make me sick? I think it would if I went out and performed this type of thing in RL without getting consent to mutually enjoy the expirience., To make my point here I'd point out that one of the most finacially successful kinks out in the world of ameture video is the necro(snuff) films. Let me point out that these are simulated(fantasy) films that depict someone dying usually by being strangled or being shot. No one actually dies in the films. The people who commision these filmswould surprise you. They could very well be people ya work with they just have a fetish and realize the difference between what is real and what is fantasy. So they watch a film.. I think it goes back to you can't control your emotions you cannot control what you feel but you can control what you do with those emotions. I think sexual desires and fantasies fall under the same umbrella. No one knows why we form the feitishes we do and it could be aruged that personal trauma can sometimes dictate what one views as sexually pleasing. For instance I've known of women who have been raped and now are in committed loving relationships. Now they get a huge rush and turn on from simulated rape scenerios with their husbands. Is this neccisairly bad or unhealthy?

Having said all of this I do think that, when the time comes I am ready to understand and expirince true intimacy and if given that chance with the right girl I'll not be seeking play outside of that relationship. Someone who'll be able to accept and embrace all of my lil quirks thouggh I don't want someone who is just willing to be the object of my fantasies. I want a true companion who is willing and able to share everything with me. In return I will share everything with her. I know with complete assurence that she is just around the corner :) and she will be with me soon. Hey I know this is alot of reading but if you have any thoughts you wanna share or questions feel free:)
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